Let love in

Time for a change

2010-06-13T23:19:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I just wanted to let you all know that I am moving my normal blog to a new address. In the past few months, I've been getting a lot of spam comments and such that I hope can be prevented by changing blogs. So here's my new blog...

http://heartofperseverancecharacterhope.blogspot.com/

Feel free to subscribe, and thanks so much for reading!

This blog (fightingorflying) will no longer be updated. All future posts will be made on my new blog. Thanks!!

PSA: Blog Postage Slowing

2010-06-08T19:14:00.000-07:00

So, I know I've been rather MIA for awhile. And I know that normally I'm a once a day poster, but I just can't do that right now. I've kind of lost all motivation to keep writing on this blog at all. I just have nothing to say, so rather than bore you with mundane posts about nothing that don't matter at all, I'm just going to be on a break, I guess. If I feel like blogging, I will, but I'm not going to have the same self-imposed once a day compulsory post that has been in effect for over the last year or so. So yeah...not totally gone...just taking a breather. Thanks for reading. :)

He's there...the Phantom of the Opera!

2010-06-05T20:01:00.000-07:00

So...long day for sure.

Court and I hit the road early this morning toward Phantom. We ended up getting there with plenty of time to spare. We walked around, found a bathroom..twice, and then eventually went in and were seated. The performance was sweet!!

That's pretty much all I can say about that, haha.

I need to do a few things more before I go to bed, which I would like to do very soon so...yup. :) Night all.

Sometimes Bruce makes me watch John Butler Trio live....

2010-06-04T20:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, so yesterday....

Em and I met and went shopping at the outlets, which was fun. I got some new mom-approved clothes that I think will carry me through the summer. Once we got done shopping there was lunch at Taco Bell (tradition) and then off to downtown to walk and see some of the shops. We found some neat stuff at one of the antique stores and got genuinely creeped out by a man in another of them. The scrapbook store we stopped in had so much stuff for every branch of the military except for the Army. It was kind of ridiculous. We definitely had a great time, though.

Today was worship practice and lots of working on youth events. Tomorrow should be fun, too. Courtney and I are going downstate to see Phantom of the Opera.

I'd like to take this moment and complain about my ears. I thought they were healed. No such luck.

If anyone has ideas for awesome youth events, comment!! I'd love input. :)

I'm delaying...

2010-06-03T20:42:00.000-07:00

Em time was SO good today!! (Tubby is making really loud banging noises. weird.) I'll have to tell you about it later...I just don't feel up to it right now. And I don't feel up to posting my picture of the day so that will just have to come later, too.

What I'm listening to tonight:

Danger Zone-Kenny Loggins http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1a_ikfUico

Give Me A Sign-Breaking Benjamin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97S66xee0U8

I forgot summer was so tiring!

2010-06-02T21:24:00.001-07:00

Today has been literally exhausting. Got up early this morning to go downstate to visit my Grandma, Aunt Judy, Uncle Eric and guests: my dad's Uncle Ray, Aunt Mary and cousin, Loren. We visited with them, then went clothing and djembe shopping. A good day, but we didn't get home until after 11:30. And now I'm oh-so tired. And being oh-so tired is making me oh-so sad. But I don't want to be sad.

Oooooh! Did I forget to tell you all I got a letter from Scottie!? :) I was/am soooo excited to hear from him. I have to get a letter out in the morning. Tomorrow I'm meeting Em for shopping. It will be nice to see her. But I really need to go to bed now because I promised Dad I'd go running with him at 6:30. Bleck...the price we pay to get in shape...

The adventures I have...

2010-06-01T21:44:00.000-07:00

So anyways, now I can tell you the story of Sunday...

On Sunday we did church. Then Melissa came over for her piano lesson and Colleen came over period. :) Then Colleen departed for church in Curran, and Mel and I walked to Kyle H.'s graduation open house. It was great. :) We stayed there for the afternoon, then Garrett, Hudson, Mel, Indi, Kyle and I went to Tia's. Which was also fun.

After that, we parted ways for awhile, then ended up with Gare, Mel, Indi, Kyle H. and I going to the river. It was busy at the normal place so we tried this tiny little place Melissa knew, but that just didn't cut it. Eventually we ended up at the bigger park in Mio, and our time spent there mostly consisted of watching the boys try to skip rocks and then try to hit an empty beer can with rocks. We girls kind of tired of it and went on the river walk. Gare and Kyle soon gave up and followed. It was definitely a good time with good friends.

After all that, Melissa stayed in Mio but the rest of us went back to Indi's and played Boggle. Well, Indi and I played. Kyle half-heartedly played. And Garrett gladly used the wireless internet. Then Indi and I came home and had a really good talk before embarking on a quest to return her hair to its natural shade of brown from the red she had dyed it to the week before.

I had this stuff (Color Oops) that would supposedly do the job and leave her hair pretty much undamaged. We put it on par the directions, but when I flipped her hair over, I was astonished to see that the roots were turning bright orangey-golden! A little bit of panic built within me. And a lot in Indi. To the point that we were just hurrying to try to rinse it out. We rinsed for 20 minutes, just like the box said. But alas...4 shampoos and many minutes later of rinsing.... Her hair still came out gold-orange.

The next morning, it didn't look as bad, but it was still unacceptable in Indi's mind. We made a dash to Rite-Aid for some brown hair dye. We then applied it and by maybe 9 something in the morning, she was almost as good as new! :) What a trip, though!

So...lesson learned...stay away from Color Oops unless you want an even bigger COLOR OOPS!! haha

What I'm listening to tonight:

Mouth Like A Magazine-Showbread http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93DFn4lvsJU

Our Last Summer-from Mamma Mia http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fCndFDjYhU

Spanish Lady-Celtic Woman http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHOyPLSVam4

Yeah...tonight's an eclectic evening...

Blah

2010-05-31T21:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I was going to tell you guys all about yesterday's adventure. However, I am feeling really sick right now. So I'm just going to have to delay that post until I feel better. Sorry. :(

What I'm listening to tonight:

Smile Like You Mean It-The Killers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1p_NHFd8jM

To be told later...

2010-05-30T22:26:00.000-07:00

Today was interesting to say the least...more on that tomorrow when I'm not super tired...

What I'm listening to tonight:

Her Morning Elegance-Oren Lavie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_HXUhShhmY

ho-hum-dee-doo-dah-lah-hoo-rah-ray day!

2010-05-29T21:18:00.000-07:00

Blah.

This day has been a Hoorah-Blah day. Both. What an annoying paradox.

This morning started with worship team practice. It went pretty well. I always feel pretty stressed though when I have to lead. So much I even forgot to pray. :(

The rest of the day was pretty good. I went through a lot of pictures. I should have cleaned my room. And now I think I'll just have to do that and laundry on Monday...

This afternoon I walked down to the real estate office and visited Mom. That was nice. I wish we had more time to just be together...but that's just how things are.

After supper, I went over to Kyle Y.'s and him, me, Melissa and TJ went fishing at Bass Lake. It was beautiful on the water. TJ and I only had nibbles on our lines, but Melissa caught two bluegill, both of which she threw back. Kyle was the only successful fisherman bringing home a sunfish and a 16" bass. :) Fishing=success! (Look for a picture on my photo blog)

To wrap up my evening, I got to chat with a few friends. I can't lie that this made me sad. It made me start thinking of things that I'd rather just not think about. Sigh. I don't know how to properly deal with everything that has happened. I think I'm handling it mostly well, but then sometimes people say things that really just rub me the wrong way, and I'm kind of terrible at not dwelling on those things.

And now the night is better again. I got to talk to Jaron for a little bit. That was nice. Plus now I can maybe figure out why my computer keeps connecting to a wireless port that doesn't exist, haha. And now off to bed. Tomorrow comes early, as always. I can't wait to wake up and worship our LORD!

What I'm listening to tonight:

What Hurts the Most-Rascal Flatts http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELkWIGOxPyk

The Tide Began To Rise (Acoustic)- Demon Hunter http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7X96KKN449Q

And now for something completely different...(ha...get it CJ?)

I've Got Your Number-Passion Pit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezvQFfTNqqs

KozKozzyKozzpantsKozzyKoz!

2010-05-28T22:19:00.000-07:00

I'M TALKING TO KOZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love Koz.

I love talking to him.

I love being his friend.

I love Koz.

That's about all I have for this post. Except, if you all would please pray for Koz that would be much appreciated. He has a hard decision in front of him right now, and he is having a hard time figuring out what to do. I know he would really appreciate your prayers. Thanks.

Things I'm listening to tonight (Reminders of Koz):

Changing-Saosin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0b2e1a99_M

Replay-Iyaz http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoG5jJ3E8rg

Gunslinger-Avenged Sevenfold http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqj8TKJXHXE

Zebra Cakes and Dance Moves

2010-05-27T21:43:00.000-07:00

Today was such a good day!! Dad and I played tennis, and I actually won one game. I think maybe he let me, but that was nice of him, haha. The rest of the day I just totally got stuff done which was nice. And I had a really long devotional reading in Acts and just being with God. I love those times when He just draws me so close and says, "Britany. I love you. Why are you so troubled? My love covers you."

This afternoon Colleen and I were able to get a lot done at church plus catch up a little bit. I have missed her. It's great to be back working with someone who just gets my worship style so easily, and I don't even have to say much. After supper, Melissa came over for her first piano lesson which went really well. I hope that she doesn't get too frustrated as we go along, though. That's the one danger with learning something when you're older because you just assume it should be easier for you because you're an adult.

Anyways, Indi is visiting for the weekend because of graduation and such, so she came over and the three of us went on a walk. Mel had to go home then because she had ridden her bike over and didn't want to ride back while it was dark. Indigo stayed for quite a while and it was so good to catch up with her. I love that Mel and Indi and I can come back here and still be really good friends. It's a definitely good thing.

While Indi and I were talking, all of a sudden there appeared at the door a strange figure and Indi goes, "Uh...I don't know them." It was Jon Knox, Titus, and Mike Tartaglia!! :) I was soooooo excited to see them!! They brought me a wonderful little zebra cake. Made my night!

Now after everyone has left I get to talk to my dear Emily Bowman. She helps me de-stress so much. And I got to watch the VBS dvd and learn the dances to the songs. I look ridiculous...haha.

What I'm listening to tonight:

She is Love-Parachute http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xr3qfy78iG4

Carolina in My Mind-James Taylor & Dixie Chicks http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LvhF0uSEAE

And....my VBS songs, haha. :)

Jam packed day!

2010-05-26T21:14:00.000-07:00

Well....so today...

This morning Dad and I went and played tennis. I was terrible, haha. I definitely hope that I will improve over the summer. Right now though...a little...A LOT rusty!

After that and spending a little time of Grandma, Dad and I went and got me a new phone. Yay. :)

Let's see...I can't really remember what I did after that. Oh! I know...Mom and I talked for awhile, and I started planning stuff for the summer youth programs. I am REALLY excited....nervous, too, but also very excited! :)

Francis came over for a little bit this afternoon which was fun...and I got to talk to Jake!! All the way from the Czech Republic!!!! :) I was happy to say the least.

Uh...let's see. This evening I finished planning the worship service, and I went to the discipleship team meeting to present my ideas for summer programs.

Once we go home, my family watched the rest of American Idol together. And then Dad and I watched Law and Order and The Unit. Made me think of/miss Koz and Scottie.

Now I'm just ready for bed. 6:30 will come early tomorrow!

I'll admit it...I'm a Gleek!

2010-05-25T21:52:00.000-07:00

Today was officially a good bad day. (Kind of like most of the rest of them, haha)

This morning I got up and went to mow lawn. Dad helped me, which I was SO grateful for. Once we finished that I did pilates and took a shower. Then Grandma, Dad, and I ate lunch together and watched Nancy Drew...Reporter. :) I love being home with my family.

After lunch I did various planning activities, including looking over Vacation Bible School material and planning the Sunday worship service. I still have stuff to do for both, and I hope I haven't heaped my plate too full! (I'm sure it will be fine, it just seems like a lot at the moment.)

After a wonderful supper of spaghetti, Dad and I put in the air conditioner in my room. Thank the Lord! What was once a sauna is now rather comparable to the polar ice caps...but I'll take snowstorm any day over desert!

We topped off the day by watching Glee with the family. An interesting episode for sure. Not my favorite one, but I think it was better than the past few. Finally, my day was ended by voice chat with my bestie Emily Bowman. :) It made me mis her sooooooooooo much. Hopefully we'll be able to see each other a lot over the summer. We'll see...

What I'm listening to/watching tonight:

Cut-Plumb http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJkqkWIpFAI

Bad Romance-Glee version http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZJnlBnmQ40

I'm at a loss...

2010-05-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

Trying to think of exciting things to share with you....

Well, I found my printer cable 2 semesters too late.

Lost my phone somewhere. Not really surprised by that, though.

Zoe is irrationally growling right now.

I know it's been a long time since I've posted a long, real post. But here's the thing...I just don't have anything to say right now. I'm still being tossed in the waiting. I feel like I'm always stuck here. Waiting for something, I don't know what and I don't know why. I don't feel like I have no purpose, but sometimes I just have to wonder what's coming around the bend and what lessons I'm learning right now. Will I be grateful for this trial later? Am I learning what I'm supposed to? Will this all ever make sense? We'll see...if it doesn't, at least I know that God is in control and everything makes perfect sense to Him.

What I'm listening to tonight:

Come On Get Higher-Matt Nathanson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHx4BlF6V2o

Happy Everafter In Your Eyes-Ben Harper http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8IMq01YjwE

Oh sleep why dost thou leave me?

2010-05-23T21:47:00.000-07:00

I feel like a crazed insomniac. It is so hard for me to fall asleep at the appropriate times. I still need the sleep, but I end up laying in bed with no sleep coming. Not my favorite thing in the world, especially when I have to get up earlier in the morning.

Coming home has been great. I'm praying we all have a great summer together.

Goals for tomorrow:

Walking/jogging with Mom

Finishing organizing my bedroom

Making cinnamon rolls?

Diving into the VBS material I got today!

And trying to brainstorm youth programs

There's a lot on my plate even as I am just beginning summer. Not too much...but enough. :)

What I'm listening to tonight:

Hymn-Brooke Fraser http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRW8WV5cFaU

Oh, Child-Nevertheless http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJkhKevjPzI&feature=related

Remember

2010-05-22T21:49:00.000-07:00

I miss Koz. I miss Scottie.

I miss life before May...before March...before January.

I need to stop this, but for now...I'm letting myself look back and remember....

What does it mean

2010-05-21T21:27:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a few days since I have been able to post. In those days, I visited my Grandma, Aunt Judy, Uncle Eric and their miniature schnauzers Sophie and Hildie. We had a good few days together. Lots of laughter. I love my family.

I'm ready to be here and be home. I've already re-arranged my room. Now it just needs a good cleaning and organizing and I will be ready to party.

Have a listen see...this is what I'm listening to right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mc2AWs_TKa0

I think it poses a worthy question. How do you keep love alive?

I always had a sneaky suspicion about Mondays...

2010-05-17T14:58:00.000-07:00

So...I thought I'd blog before I go to the Anderson's house.

Today has been interesting. I'm kind of ready to go home, I think. Two goodbyes in two days. A lot to handle, I guess. I'm kind of emotionally and physically exhausted. Ready for some R & R at home. (Riiight. haha)

This morning Em and I were up early and on the road so that we were at MEPS by 8:30. We got breakfast and were back at MEPS a little before 9. We went in and found Scottie, then waited with him for his family. There was a lot of waiting this morning. Found out I'm even worse at iTouch air hockey than I am in real life. We got to watch Scottie swear in and got to go to the airport to say goodbye. I can't lie, it was really hard for me and Em to watch him walk through security and up the stairs to join the other military recruits. Sigh. We then compensated by taking pictures like this:

Anyways, here's the rest of my week:

Off to Bethany and Kyle's tonight.

Tomorrow to Grandma's house.

Friday to home.

Yeah...I'm ready for that. I just want to lay in my bed for a long, long time.

Tonight's thoughts.

2010-05-16T22:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have something to say.

I seriously love Emily Bowman. She is so incredible. I'm really glad that it worked out that I could stay with her for a little bit before going home. I don't want to leave her for the summer. :( Em is such a wonderful person. And I just get sad thinking of not being around her.

Actually, right now is just sad period. Everything is happening at once.

Scottie leaving....

Em leaving...

Summer coming....

Crazy time.

I'm just glad to know that I have a best friend like Em. :)

God has truly blessed me by putting her in my life. She knows my heart and loves me anyway.

I think that we are both helping each other to become strong women of faith. She daily challenges me and makes me into a better version of me.

I love Emily. :D

Yay Chicago!

2010-05-15T23:12:00.000-07:00

Alrighty...well to summarize the day:

Work with Jayne. :)

Haircut with Emily.

Bonfire at Scottie's.

Now back with Em.

Yup. That was a summary folks.

Now here's some of the pictures (unedited) that we took in Chicago...

The start of a beautiful summer

2010-05-14T23:24:00.000-07:00

Whew!

School year over...I totally forgot to blog yesterday. Ridiculous, I know.

Today was great, though. In honor of Em's birthday and Scottie's leaving, the three of us headed to Chicago and met Tara Fairty there. Then we were off to Lincoln Park Zoo, Millennium Park, Buckingham Fountain, getting Chicago deep dish at Giordano's, getting free chocolate at Ghiradelli's, getting Starbucks, etc.

Scottie's first time to the city.

Em's first time on the El train.

My first time being in Chicago with my best friends.

Tara's first time...uh...well...Tara's first time seeing Scottie do a handstand in front of Buckingham Fountain haha.

I'll try to post a lot of the pictures tomorrow. Tonight, I'll post two on the picture blog.

More later when I'm not so tired.

Thinking...

2010-05-12T19:58:00.001-07:00

Well...taking a little study break to watch some Psych. I am so ready for finals and everything to be over. Sheepishly, it's hard to care about the last week. But I must! :)

I'm going to miss my Arbor/downstate friends.

And Scottie. I don't know how next year will be without him. He's been the one to laugh with me and the one to bring me ice cream in the wee hours when I'm sad. He knows me better than most people, and somehow still manages to like me. I can't lie and say that I'm not terrified for him, but I know that he is doing what he feels called to do. I'm so proud of him as he is growing up and growing in his relationship with Christ. He's becoming a wise man, and he is a good friend. And I will miss him.

I have many hopes for the summer. Most of all, I hope that God takes this summer and makes it radical. Not the most fun or busy or fulfilling....but definitely the most alive and on fire with passion for my Savior. Home is as much a mission field as anywhere else. I'm praying I pour myself out into the people around me.
Some other possible goals:

1 - Write and like 10 songs of my own.

2 - Finish stripping and staining the cupboard for Mom.

3 - Paint in the house.

4 - Finish the first draft of my book.

5 - Do creative things!

6 - Lose the weight I've been wanting to.

7 - Work on my friendship with my best gal Court.

8 - More to come??? Suggest something! :)

Only a few more days...

2010-05-11T17:24:00.000-07:00

Two more days.

Lots to do.

So continues my exam week.

Tomorrow I have to work from 11:05-1:30, and then 2:30-5. Ugh. Then it will be study central for the evening as I have two exams on Thursday. Plus observation. That was self-imposed, but I really want to one more time before I go home.

I just want to do my work and be left alone kind of. Like...I like having people around, but I just need some sit back with Jesus solitude time. I'm thinking that the summer will be good. I really like that....I mean, some things about summer scare me and make me kind of... apprehensive. But on the whole, I'm excited to go home. Excited to be with some of the people I know and love the most!!

The run down

2010-05-10T18:16:00.000-07:00

T..so here's how this day went.

Blah blah blah normal schedule.

At four the future choir officers met with our new director. Which was good.

Then I got ready for music banquet.

Then went to music banquet with E and Jacob.

Then Jake and I left, and I went to Lowell Worship.

Did Lowell Worship.

Now I'm warming up.

Wishing I were sleeping. Yup.

Big news!

2010-05-09T15:27:00.000-07:00

Okay...I have a moment, so I'll post the big thing that happened. I got my ears pierced and Em got her nose pierced! Here's the pictures....The man who did it was really nice and made us both feel pretty comfortable. Now I'm just paranoid about getting infected. haha. But I'm doing everything he told us to do, so I hope that nothing bad will happen to my ears. E laughs at me and thinks I'm being silly. But I just don't want gross ears. Anyways...pictures...

I need to pack...

2010-05-08T22:52:00.000-07:00

Okay...I was kidding about telling a lot more today. I am still tired. So I suppose I'll just do it tomorrow if I have time.

E won't stop touching me with her nose. Especially my knee. Ewww. Sick. Weird. Emily...seriously?

Happy Mom's Day!!

A quick note

2010-05-07T21:41:00.000-07:00

Sleeeeeeeepy. I realized that I really elongate my words when I am tired. So...today was a good, really long day. I think I'll have to blog about it later, though. Em and I are making a mix cd. :) Good times. Until tomorrow...

Zooooooooooooonk.

2010-05-07T00:44:00.000-07:00

I didn't know a day could get any longer than yesterday. But it did. Today was just filled to the brim. And I'm barely keeping my head above water. One more paper and I can call this school week a success.

Tonight I went with Mr. & Mrs. Bradley, Jamin, Joel, Jaron, Scottie and Emily to see Iron Man 2. It was pretty good. I've never seen the entire first one, but what I did see, I didn't really like. I think it was kind of redeemed in the second one. My saying so, though, does not mean I want to see the first one. Not at all.

Now I just want to go to bed though....my picture post will have to wait until tomorrow. I'm just exhausted...So. Exhausted.

The end.

2010-05-05T22:27:00.000-07:00

Whew today...

Still a lot to do tonight. But I am confident in getting it done.

Plus, I thought I had an exam tomorrow night, but it isn't until next week, so that take a load of studying off my plate which just rocks!! Now all I have to do is finish my take home exam, finish and print my observation journals, finish my response paper, and my strategy notebook. I know that still sounds like a lot, but it's really not!

Anyways...lots to do...Oh! My exam went really well tonight!! I felt very confident. :)

Blurb.

2010-05-05T13:21:00.000-07:00

I'm SO tired. My brain really can't hold an more information. Pray for me...this will not be an easy final, and I don't really know how well I will do on it.

Also, I'm sorry if I don't hang out with you in the next two days. I would if I could, but I just don't have the time. Waaaaaaay too much to do. Sorry.

Tuesday...yucky day

2010-05-04T20:53:00.000-07:00

Bah! Break from study to write this. Today was...LONG. I had a really awful headache for most of the day. One of the worst ones I've had in a long time.

The concert and dress rehearsal went really well. I'm glad the day is over though....

Still too much to do in too little of time. I'm sure I'll manage it though, even if I have to stay up super late tomorrow and Thursday nights. Hope not, though.

Okay...nose back to the grindstone for a little before bed...

Whoopsies...

2010-05-03T21:24:00.001-07:00

Crisis!! I almost forgot to blog before hitting the hay. So...here's a summary because I want to get to bed:

Normal Monday stuff, worship team practice, met Colleen at Steak and Shake for about an hour. It was nice to see her and chat. I don't think we really stopped laughing. The wait staff must have thought we were nuts. All I know is it was a good time and a nice break from thinking about scholastic things. I know, I know... It's the end where we all have to knuckle down. And I am! But it was nice not to have to for an hour. :) Tomorrow is a busy day, as all days are...

But I do feel ready to embrace the day and get stuff done. Tomorrow will be...

cleaning, observing, singing, homework, singing, lunch, homework, singing, supper, break, concert, homework, dress rehearsal, homework and study for exam. A lot busier than I had originally anticipated tomorrow would be...but definitely do-able. :)

Well...I'm off to dreamland. It's time for this girl to get her beauty sleep.

For the sake of love

2010-05-02T20:13:00.000-07:00

Honesty...here we go:

Today is a so so day for me. I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job of keeping up with my life and not freaking out on anyone. I know that what I'm going through is minor compared to the catastrophe many other people face each day. God has blessed me with strength.

But is it enough?

Let's all just face it...I'm terrible at not loving people! At the same time, I'm terrible at doing the unselfish thing. And here's the biggest kicker...I want to do what is right for everyone... And people keep telling me that it's MY decision.... BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I don't know what I should want...and I definitely don't know what I do want.

I want for there to be no need for me to decide. Childish, yes. Impossible, yes. Maybe I'm just praying for a miracle.

Wait....That's what I am doing. But wait where? Wait how?

I'm sorry if I'm being a bad friend to you. I can barely keep myself together sometimes... It's difficult to branch out. I know that's what I'm called to do. To keep on loving. To give away every bit of love I have for the sake of those that I love. Sigh. I'm so failing...

The stakes were raised

2010-05-02T00:04:00.001-07:00

Wha! What a good day!!

I stayed up quite late (or early, ha) finishing Spirit of the Rainforest. Still not sure what I think about it. And because I was doing the studious thing by reading...honestly, I couldn't put it down. I was so intrigued! Well anyways...I was reading so I let myself sleep in because technically I was doing homework all that time I was reading. Eventually this afternoon I made my way down to E's room and eventually Jamie and Callie came over and we all (plus Krista in and out) watched Sleepover and had some good girl time together. After supper, E and I got ready to go watch Callie and Kyle in one act plays. Then after that Callie, Kyle, Justin, Jared, E and I went to Applebees to celebrate the day. :) We had a lot of fun. Many laughs were had, which is just what all of us needed. Then we went to the store to go grocery shopping. In the parking lot, we met a lady who needed to borrow a phone and who was going through a really rough situation. Long story short, we were able to help her out a little and pray with her. I'm still a little worried about her because she really wouldn't let us help her that much, so if you think of it, please pray for that woman....for protection and comfort. I trust the Holy Spirit will intercede appropriately. :)

Now E and I have parted ways and are off to bed. Tomorrow will probably be a long day. That's what I am anticipating anyway... And of course, this week will definitely be a long one. 3 exams, choir concert, one act play....lots of other stuff going on. Jam-packed as usual! But you know what? I'm not worried.... God's got this. As I always like to say, "Relax. God's plan is so much bigger than yours." :)

Honesty

2010-04-30T21:23:00.001-07:00

It's been an interesting day, I guess. I can't really remember that much of it. Ha.

After our soccer game (which we tied) Angie, Krista, E, Marc and I went to dinner. Salad for me. :) Not the best...but not the worst. Then Krista, E, and I hung out and watched John Tucker Must Die. It was just as good as always. I love those girls. Both of them are amazing. And wonderful. Oops I left my phone in her room....And now I have it back.

I haven't been playing guitar enough. Just a little bit and my fingers are super callused.

And now I'm alone. Kind of like I always end up. (That was a little too emo, huh?) Well...whatever, my head hurts and so does my heart. I'll just be that honest with you. It gets better, but it still aches. Time passes, but it can't erase.

The spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly

2010-04-29T20:56:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhh....tonight was super cool!

Em and I went to an Owl City concert which was totally chill. Lights and Paper Route opened and they were sweet. We especially liked Lights. The lead singer was so good!! I've never really heard a chick lead singer in that genre, and she did amazing.

Now I'm waiting for Em to finish talking to Koz. We had stopped here at the Bradley's for a potty break, but somehow we ended up taking a Brit sit on the couch-Em talk on the phone break. Boring for one of us. ;) haha. I'm not bitter, I'm just sharing my testimony. Well...you know, watching Paul and Jare play Splinter Cell isn't exactly the highlight of my evening.

I'm SO tired!! Haha, I seem to kind of live in a constant state of sleepy. My head is really starting to hurt as well, but I'm just glad my ears aren't super ringing. They kind of were earlier, like right after we got out of the concert, but it's much better now. As in, not noticeable. :) Thank goodness.

For my philosophy class right now, I'm reading this book called Spirit of the Rainforest. It's super interesting. My prof said it would like blow our minds, and so far it hasn't really...I think maybe because I haven't really thought about it as being a literal, true story. So far I keep seeming to relate it better to fiction. But I know that the people in it believe it is 100% true as does the author. And I have no doubt that my prof thinks that it's true. So...using my discernment... I still feel like it is probably true. I just can't view it that way yet.

What a night!

2010-04-28T22:01:00.001-07:00

What a night!! Porchfest went pretty crazy well.... If you want to see the video, let me know. :) For now, these 3 pictures will have to suffice. Actually, I'm going to double one and put it on my picture blog just because it's so good!! Anyways...pictures...

B & BJ @ Steak and Shake after Porchfest

Marc & Jake-0...or should it be spelled Jaco?

Daw... It's meant to be... :)

Oh Britany...

2010-04-27T13:09:00.001-07:00

Today I got sick again. Great...

Honestly, I think it's my body's response to my life right now. It's like... Hang on, time out B. You're driving yourself into the ground. This has got to stop.

I feel like I'm always apologizing to somebody. And I'm never very sure what I've done wrong. So now I guess I get to apologize to myself for stretching myself too thin. Sorry, self.

Not everything is entirely my fault, and honestly...if I try to make myself better, I'm not going to get better. Everyone keeps telling me that only time and prayer will make things better. But honestly...only God will make things better. Time--time is in His hands. So who's to say that it will take a certain amount of time for anything? It could be short...it could be long.

I'm going to go edit a picture. That will be relaxing. Tonight I still (of course) have homework, soccer practice, and we have to find time to practice for Porchfest. I know, I know, Mom. Take it easy...I am. I'm only doing half of soccer practice, my homework doesn't take a lot of energy, and I HAVE to practice for Porchfest. That's all.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2010-04-26T23:02:00.000-07:00

I'm going absolutely crazy with life. I cannot handle this at all. I know God can and does and will...but I can't! I just want to quit! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I get home, I'm going out in the woods and screaming until I can't scream anymore.

Winter's come early this year

2010-04-26T16:30:00.000-07:00

Last year, Jonny Carroll introduced me to a little band called Slow Runner.

Until today, I forgot how much I love them. But today, I started listening to them again and remade that connection I had with them. Back in the day, I loved their song The Stakes Were Raised. And I remembered that....but I forgot about a real quality song called Trying to Put Your Heart Back Together....So here it is, so that you may hear it and love it as I do:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9ZR7DHU_mY&feature=fvw

Here's another Slow Runner song if you appreciated the last one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3oqEsp1-fQ&NR=1

Tonight is a take-a-shower-finish-my-paper-play-my-guitar-go-to-bed sort of night. I'm absolutely drained in practically every capacity. Hence my very early publishing of today's blog.

I think I will finish this posting and do exactly what I just said. Night shall come early today. =]

A lovely night.

2010-04-25T20:14:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm taking a momentary break from getting things done to let you know how this day has been. :) Got up this morning and met E and Marc to drive to Marc's church. The service was really good. The pastor called us out on the power of our words. It was definitely a thought and action provoking sermon.

We met Indi for lunch at a pizza place which was super super great!!! :) I have missed her so much, and it was really great to see her. Hopefully I'll be able to visit her on the way home from school. She'll be in school this summer still and hopefully doing an internship so I doubt I'll see her much. :(

After lunch we came back and did stuff, had supper, and I fell asleep after supper while Emily was practicing. Lately I've been feeling sick a lot of the time, and it's just been exhausting. Sigh.

After E got back and did some homework she woke me up and we went to the library to look at the educational strategies example notebook. There we found Kyle and Bethany and eventually Bri, Kelsey, Angie and Maddee. I love friends. They are so cool.

Ooooh!!! Bethany and Kyle imparted exciting knowledge to me. Their pastor is moving from their church to CFMC! (That's where I go to church, generally.) I knew Pastor Larry was leaving, but I'm very excited to know that Pastor Jeff from their church will be replacing him. When we were there on choir tour, he seemed like a really great guy. :)

That's about all I got, folks. Keep your stick on the ice...

Ah....night.

2010-04-25T00:33:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been quite the day for sure. Got up this morning and did some homework/reading, back to bed for a nap. Then I went and chilled with E and eventually we went to lunch. After lunch there was some listening to music and such before we headed into town for some shopping. I found what I needed at the mall and E got this cute pair of heels. We didn't find shoes for her sister's wedding, but we're still searching. :) After that we came back, went to supper, and then I met Scottie at the theater to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid. It was cute for sure, and I think both of us enjoyed it. Eventually Scottie, Em, Jaron and I met at Jaron's house and went to BDubs for Scottie's birthday celebration. Then back to Jaron's for some Uno, Euchre, and watching Dance of the Dead. (Classic)

Now I'm about to finish editing these pictures and hit the hay. Tomorrow will be another long day...

Nighttime brings its wetness to beaches in your soul

2010-04-23T21:29:00.000-07:00

Wow, today has been long and fun..mostly fun anyway. I'm tired though...so quickly...

We won our soccer game today!

Observing went well.

I'm ready for summer.

Emily Cleveland is awesome.

That's about all I got tonight... :)

The plan.

2010-04-22T20:57:00.000-07:00

What a long day!! I'm completely exhausted and can barely concentrate for more than five minutes, but I still have a paper to write tonight. I guess I'll just do it five minutes at a time or something. Bah. I think I'll just go to bed very soon and then get up really early and write it. I can handle that way better than writing now. Last night when I did my presentation, I could barely remember what I wrote. I'm just glad it made any sense at all!

Yeah...that's definitely what I'm going to do: finish my reading, go to bed, get up in the morning and write this little paper. Good plan. For me anyways, maybe you do it differently.

Alright. I'm off to execute my plan. I hope you all have a wonderful evening. :)

Busy!

2010-04-21T20:47:00.000-07:00

I guess I have some recap to do. But I really really really don't have time. Right now I'm finishing up a presentation for my behavior management class about positive behavior supports. (Also, using this sweet website, prezi.com, to do my presentation. It's the coolest!!)

Tomorrow morning I'm going to observe my friend Zach's mom. I'm definitely excited for that!! However, their class starts at 8:45 which means I need to be walking out of my room at 7:50 so that I can get my car, get gas, and be there on time and well dressed. So that's my big rush to finish this presentation because tomorrow is wall to wall work. I have to observe, drive back, chamber choir, fast lunch, class, choir, fast dinner, class, little bit of a break in which I should do my homework, play practice, and then more homework if I haven't finished it by then. Such is the life of a college student...

2010-04-20T22:42:00.001-07:00

Fail.

I hate.

Why can't it just be easier? And over? And....not so painful.

I hate being sick.

2010-04-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

So...this morning I woke up and thought I was going to puke. Stomach iffy all day. Fail.

I cannot above cannot skip the choir concert tonight. Sigh.

I slept a lot and feel a lot better, but I still don't feel 100%. But I HAVE to go. Ugh.

Now I'm going to try showering so that I'll at least smell presentable.

I am free to live for You

2010-04-18T16:04:00.000-07:00

Sigh. I meant to post yesterday. I really thought I had.
I would have posted something to the extent of...for the first time in a long time, I feel okay. Really really okay. Koz and I talked and it really made me hurt. But now....everything doesn't seem better, but I know that it is. Doesn't make sense, I know. And it wasn't even really Koz who made it better. God did. Somehow last night just felt not as heavy. The weight lifted off of my shoulders, and I was free to dance.

As for me, I will serve the LORD

2010-04-16T22:27:00.000-07:00

Night is finally rolling around and Stina and I are about to go to bed. I'm really glad I was able to come here. Stina is such a wonderful person. I've missed getting to hang out with her. I love that we can pick up our friendship and it not be awkward or anything...just genuine love for each other.

I don't know what the future will hold. But I will put my hope in Christ alone. That's what I am reminded of today with Stina.

Oh man...

2010-04-16T18:14:00.001-07:00

Dear John was a sad movie. I'm sad now. Fail. haha.

Two step!

2010-04-16T11:43:00.000-07:00

I'm just about to leave for Grand Rapids. :)

Scheduling is a nightmare. That's all I have to say. NIGHTMARE.

Okay...I have to do some stuff, finish packing, and head off for a time of wonder and excitement.

Must be Thursday.

2010-04-15T13:43:00.001-07:00

So. Busy. A bunch of stuff is done, though! Still one more class to tackle, audition for Porchfest and practice with Marc, but then I'm done for the week, except for working tomorrow!

Off to Stina's I go. :) Super super super excited to talk to Koz. :) Super super super excited to see my sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Yeah. Really excited about a bunch of stuff.

Excited for church on Sunday! Excited to get Emily from Chelsea. Excited to just be alive!!

Thoughts of you are keeping me awake

2010-04-14T22:39:00.000-07:00

This is to fulfill my the rule to myself to post something everyday. I'm soooooo tired. Up tomorrow early enough to finish some homework and double check my presentation for night class tomorrow. Not a lot happened today. Kind of physically and emotionally exhausted at the moment. Toward the evening I could just feel my emotional ties snap. Ready for bed and a break from people. I love people...I was just so keenly aware that everything hangs very fragile in my emotion department. Sigh. I like to be tough. I know that God works through our weaknesses...but sometimes I just wish I didn't have to be so broken to more fully understand things. But perhaps it is for this very reason that I break. Things to consider.

Awweeeesoooome!

2010-04-13T21:28:00.000-07:00

Well today was...a success! ha.

First off, I'm excited to almost be done with two group projects. Then only one more big presentation, exams, and I'm done.

Secondly, my observation is quickly falling into place. I think I get to go on Thursdays to observe Zach's mom, which sounds fantastic, and on Tuesdays & Fridays to Emily's old school. Hopefully Mrs. Knowlton will let me watch her. Or someone else. Leanne is coordinating that one, so we'll see. :)

Thirdly, summer might be better than even I can imagine. :)

Fourth, going out with some of the kids from DEEPER band tonight was so great!! I super love those kids. So great. And Hannah. Like...LOVE Hannah. She is such a beautiful person and just so much fun!

Okay, I should probably get stuff done and go to bed so that when we get up to run tomorrow I'm not dying. :)

Many waters cannot quench love

2010-04-12T20:03:00.000-07:00

Today. It's almost done. Finally. Ha.

Work was okay today. The time drug to be honest, but it wasn't a bad day. Lunch was good. Jennifer and Kyle Anderson. :) Win.

I had a bit of time this afternoon so I watched the newest Bones. It was good. And bad. Kind of like life. Ha.

After that I had to go to choir. Sectionals went well. But we didn't get this one note right which is SO frustrating because E and I specifically worked on it in the Sectionals. Sigh.

Supper with Jake was good. Heide came, too. :)

After supper I went to soccer practice. It was fun, exhausting, and kind of frustrating. It's like...my mind remembers exactly what to do, but my body slows down in response and I'm just clumsy on the field. I'm sure I'll improve with practice, but right now I just feel dumb.

Then E, Jake, and I went to the store to get groceries and such. That was super fun. Those two are just so great. They definitely put me in a good mood. Which was good because after we got back Jaron called, which put me in a bad mood. Luckily, afterward Jake was there to supply ice cream and E was along to provide laughs. Now we're watching The Office while working on homework. Obviously I'm blogging right now, though. Just a break from the stuff I have to do. I actually don't have anything due tomorrow or Wednesday. Well, presentation on Wednesday, but I already did the work for that. So now I'm just getting ahead. :) Yay!! (Of course, I still feel ridiculously overwhelmed by school and everything. Peaceful, but overwhelmed.)

I'm finishing another letter to Koz today. I'm not sure if I'll mail it or just send it with Emily. I'm so excited!! Em promised that she and Koz will Skype me. :) :) :) I can't wait to see/talk to him!!!

Alright...back to the grindstone. :)

Oooooooh my gooooodnessss

2010-04-11T20:25:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day. I did not get much done. One thing that did change though was my hair color. I know, I know. I'm starting to become a serial color changer. Fail. It's black now, but I don't know how long that will really last. But however long it lasts, I really like it. Sorry Mom. I'm sure you'll hate it, but hopefully you can get somewhat used to it.

Hmm...other than that, there's nothing really to say.

Except that next year will be A-MAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-10T23:26:00.001-07:00

I feel like such a bad person. The end.

Oh today...

2010-04-10T18:56:00.000-07:00

I'm watching Fight Club right now. Not exactly enthralled with it. It's for sure intriguing, but I'm definitely thinking it's not my kind of a movie. Way too violent. The sooner I get it done, the better. Haha

Today was uber boring to be honest. Homework and such.

Talking to Mom was great, though. :)

And Marc. He's great, too. :)

I hope tomorrow will be good. Though I kind of doubt it.

Time will heal

2010-04-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight was great and terrible all rolled into one. Sigh. I had fun, though, and now I just need to sleep away the bad stuff.

I will tell you two exciting things:

1-I got a letter from Koz!!

2-I feel I did well in music lab. :)

I'm going to sleep now so that I can feel better.

It's a Thursday...you should know what that means.

2010-04-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

Okay. So excited that Glee comes on again next week. I know that's kind of dumb, but I'm just really anticipating it. It's kind of one of the few shows that really connects in humor and seriousness, and I love that it can do that.

Enough about that. Today was okay. Lots of work like always. Found out some disappointing news about one of my classes, but I really don't want to think about that right now. After I got done with classes at like 9 I hung out with Marc and E. Which of course was fun. :) Now I'm back in the room wondering what picture to post for the day. I need to watch Fight Club, too, but I'm not really sure that I still want to do that tonight. Sigh. I'm glad tomorrow is Friday...but in a way I just don't know how to handle the passage of time anymore. It's exhausting and awful and great all at the same time.

Tomorrow I'm singing in music lab. I sure hope that goes okay. I really really love the song.

I will follow You with all my life

2010-04-07T22:50:00.001-07:00

Wow! I should be in bed.

I just have to say that God for sure blessed me today.

First of all, He brought me Kyle Anderson who cheered me and made me really happy to be alive.

Secondly, He got me through class which was practically torturous.

Thirdly, He let me be at DEEPER and lift my voice to Him in song. I am enthralled by worship of our wonderful God. He just enchants me. He draws me closer in love.

Lastly, He let me listen to this song tonight:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_QnXF60k5U

It's called The One by Everyday Sunday. I'll let you look up the lyrics if you can't understand it.

We serve a great and powerful King of the Nations! He is mighty to save, and His love never fails!

How high is the moon?

2010-04-06T19:16:00.000-07:00

Hmm. There's nothing left to say. Not much really happened today.

I had my voice lesson at 11 and Dr. Livesay and I decided that I will sing Someone Else's Story for the music lab on Friday. Scary, but I'm excited. Chambers was pretty good today. Not perfect, but okay. We rushed through lunch so that E and I could record Water Night sectionals so the sopranos can listen to their parts online to make it easier to learn. Choir went pretty well, too. We learned Water Night separated as boys and girls. Made me breathe a little bit easier.

After that we went straight to practicing for Marc's one act play, but that didn't last as long as I expected so I was able to eat and then run off to soccer practice. That also didn't last as long as previously thought because only Jennifer, me and this other kid, Andy, were there. After that we went off to Coldstone to celebrate Britney's birthday. Fun!! Then off to Deeper practice. We got our set list figured out, and I think tomorrow will be an epic last Deeper of the year. :) Now back in the room watching the Blind Side with my roommates, hoping to multi-task well enough to pull off a paper. (Don't worry Mom and Dad. I will definitely pull off a stellar paper. haha) Anyways, tomorrow is Wednesday which sounds to me like busy. But you know....life goes on.

PSA: No tornadoes are welcome here

2010-04-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

So...most exciting/scary thing that has happened of the day: There was a tornado warning!!

Scary!!

I would just freak if there was a tornado at the Arb. Okay... that's probably not true. I'd probably be pretty calm. Pray a lot, but I have a peace that surpasses all understanding. So I'm chill. Ha.

Anyway...the ban was lifted 20 minutes ago. Before I got this posted, but yup. Tornado...threat neutralized.

Waiting on Castle

2010-04-05T18:21:00.000-07:00

I have to go back to school tomorrow morning. Sigh. I don't want to go. I want to stay here.

I love being with my family. They are just fantastic. I mean, we don't always get along, but we sure do love each other.

There's really nothing for me to post about right now. School...bleck. haha. That's about it.

Celebration day!

2010-04-04T14:12:00.000-07:00

Ah Easter. Church was wonderful. So was sunrise service. The perfect reminder that the failure of Friday is over with the rising of the Easter sun. Lunch was wonderful, of course. Mom is such a good cook! She let Grandma, Courtney and me take a stab at deviled eggsThis afternoon we had a lot of music going in our house. I played through several song books and then Mom took a turn at it. Now she, Courtney, and Grandma are napping while Dad reads a book, and I tried to sew Court a dress. Everything was going perfectly except that I'm having the worst time with the bobbin. It keeps falling off and tangling or such. I must not be threading it right, but I thought I was. Sigh. I will just have to wait for Mom to wake up before I can sew this darling creation for CJ.

Now I've just been listening to some Gwen Stacy and Demon Hunter. I'm the only one who likes them here, so with everyone dispersed around me I've been able to take advantage of my alone time by getting my screamo fix. I was going to set up a (for lack of better term) photography studio in my bedroom, but that might just have to wait until I know if Courtney is actually going to cooperate or just complain. ;)

I started reading that Lynn Austin book, so I suppose that I better finish it before I go back to school. I'm hoping that tonight I'll have enough inspiration to finish this song as well. I'm ready to be done with it.

I feel bad about some things that people have said. Sigh. I'm just really bad at being a good friend to people. I never know what to expect and sometimes I just don't know how to respond. Like...I don't know what the mature behavior is or like...the nice way to get out of a conversation where someone offhandedly makes a hurtful remark. I think I'm letting hurtful remarks bother me a little too much. In all honesty, it doesn't matter what others think as long as I am following my Lord. He must increase, I must decrease.

I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye

2010-04-03T22:55:00.000-07:00

Today was so good!! I love Kyle and Melissa. They're fantastic. This morning began with worship team practice which went pretty well in my estimation. Then breakfast at the coffee shop with Dad and CJ. Delish. Home then and doing stuff with Court and Grandma. Eventually dinner and then at like 7 I went over to Kyle's to watch the rest of the MSU game. We proceeded to make brownies. :) And then we finished the game. (Disappointing.) Then off to McDonalds for some coffee & such. Then to my house to grab swimsuits and an evening of hot-tubbing under the stars.

Only one thing could ruin this night. And it kind of did. Sigh.

I feel the need; the need for speed!

2010-04-02T18:03:00.001-07:00

Home is definitely great. Right now we're watching Top Gun as one can probably guess from the title of my post. Tom Cruise is so awkward. In like everything. He's just a really awkward actor.

This afternoon Courtney and I played catch and did softball stuff, which I realized I miss way more than I thought I do. We tried to tan, but I don't think that really worked at all. Played some music, colored some eggs. Pictures of that later I'm sure. Probably on the picture blog tonight, too. After a wonderful supper of hamburgers and potato salad we had homemade ice cream and then began watching this. :) And I super love how it feels like summer!! It's great to be home with my family.

Gossamer

2010-04-01T21:57:00.000-07:00

Good word of the day.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/gossamer

Rolls off the tongue nicely.

Some love isn't love at all

2010-04-01T19:45:00.001-07:00

I'm home safe and happy. I don't even want to think about the homework that I have to do, but you know...it's definitely nice to be home. On my way home, I saw a car that had the DC logo on the hood. I laughed. I did a lot of singing with my itunes as well. I put it on shuffle and let it play the songs I could sing with.

I'm hitting this major writing block at the moment. Fail. And I think I lost my phone. haha. It was right beside me a second ago, but whatever. I'm sure I'm...oh, nevermind. I just found it under my book. I'm reading Until We Reach Home by Lynn Austin. I'm sure it will just end up being your average Christian romance novel, but I'm giving it a try. I usually love Lynn Austin.

Not much else to say really. Hopefully this Easter break will be just what I need to push me through until the end of school. It's hard to see the point of things sometimes...like... I feel like I don't really have a lot to look forward to right now. I try to do lots on the weekends to keep me going and to replace previous activities, but it's just not the same. I enjoy it, but it's not what I really want. Sorry that's vague. I have a hard time with being more specific than that, though.

He is all we need

2010-03-31T20:52:00.000-07:00

Sigh. Double sigh.

That's pretty much it for now.

I'm working on a new song. Just have a chorus right now. First time I've actually been able to write what I feel.

Argh. I'm so ready for Easter.

I need to be reminded of my living, powerful Savior.

Sigh

2010-03-31T12:32:00.000-07:00

I just ripped my underpanties. Fail.

Bright lights will inspire you

2010-03-30T22:54:00.000-07:00

Well....a lot happened. I just don't have energy to explain right now. So these pictures from tour will just have to suffice. haha enjoy!

SAU Gothic

A little too much Marc?

Failed lobster.

Lady Gaga eyes

Kyle is an astronaut

We laugh a lot!

Hooray for Kool-Aid!

We love Rice Krispie treats!

iVeal. The Mac version of lamb.

Careful, Kyle!

What what?

E looked stunning. :)

Fun on the bus

Bethany rode home with us from her town.

When the crazy wheel slows down

2010-03-29T20:24:00.000-07:00

Sigh. Today was kind of fail. haha.
I don't feel well. I felt really truly awful this morning. I don't want to give you the barfy details, but I will say that I did NOT spit up. Just felt like I was going to. It got better in the afternoon, but now I'm back to being hot, bothered, and feeling gross.
A break from choir was excellent. I didn't have to do too much today, which was greatly appreciated. This week is booked pretty much back to back and only getting busier.
Tonight we practiced for a sketch coming up. Such fun! I get to be totally obnoxious. Feels like a lot of responsibility, though. I hope I can handle it.
And I hope I can handle life. I keep saying to myself: 3 more days. There's still lots to do before I can go home, but luckily I worked ahead so I don't have lots of homework to do in this time.
I'm also kind of proud that I did pretty well on my law midterm. I guess most people didn't do very well, but I got a 29/35. That's a solid 82% which I think is a pretty legit grade. (Wow...E just helped me realize I was in "Edit Html" format instead of Compose format which is why my blogs have looked funky for weeks now. Thank you E!) Anyway, I feel really good about that grade. And I hope she doesn't get mad at us in class. :( Fail.

Random thought: Couples sick me out. Not necessarily sick me out I guess. Just disgust me. They touch too much and are just too....flaunting of their coupley status. I'm pathetic I guess, but it's how I feel. I hate seeing couples these days. And sometimes people say things that just remind me of couples and love and pink and hearts, and I just cringe inside. The silliest things make me shudder. That is all about that.

Sigh. I'm peaceful, but tired. Sometimes...life just grinds.

Choir tour = Approved

2010-03-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

We're back from tour. Working feverishly on the photos to have ones worthy of my blog by tomorrow. I owe four new ones, but I think only one will be added tonight. I'm so tired. I think overall tour was a success. Plus, I had way more fun than I ever thought I would largely due in part to E, Kelsey, Jessie Hughey, Marc, Luke Paul, and Kyle Anderson. Good people who made for a good time.
Coming back sinks me right back into the drama that is life. Already I've eaten food of my choosing, rushed through a DC dinner, had a great time with Jake and E, had ridiculous miscommunication with a friend, and felt in the same moment that life is terrible and beautiful at the same time. Terribly beautiful.
New other thought: E and I recently discovered an artist named Alexz Johnson. Give her a youtube listen sometime. I really like her songs "Liar Liar" and "I Still Love You." Definitely worth the listen in my book.
I'd tell you more about choir tour, but I suppose that tomorrow, if I have time to get to the pictures, I'll give you a brief picture overview. For now, just know that I had a good time, enjoyed myself, and started realizing some things about myself that I couldn't see before.

Tell me you love me like a star

2010-03-24T17:41:00.000-07:00

Ah how life progresses. I got through today. I took my midterm and felt good about it. One more homework assignment, and I have finished everything for part of the way into next week. Feels good to be so prepared.
Tomorrow morning we leave for choir tour at the bright early hour of 7:45. I have yet to pack, of course, but I will be prepared in time, and definitely ready for the challenges of tour. I'm kind of nervous to be staying in homes again, but we'll get through it. I'm tired already. Sigh. I'm glad next weekend is Easter. That is a welcome crazy random happenstance. My weekends are so booked for the next month!!
This week: Choir tour, Next: Easter, Next: Wedding maybe, Next: Visiting Stina, then finally a free weekend! Then I have like two more weekends or something, and then I'm done with school. When you look at it that way, we don't have long at all. Crazy.

Do you know I ache for you?

2010-03-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, although it is petty of me, I feel very unhappy that other people get to be happy. Oh ache. Why must you torment me so?
Paste this to browser for pretty, haunting song. I feel it is the equivalent of looking into my eyes these days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsWsasqIoyk
Notice...not exactly how I feel, but still beautiful. And honest.

Questions, pineapple and license plates...

2010-03-22T19:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I don't really have anything really exciting to add to my post as of earlier. Except for that school lost electricity and stuff for a while which was kind of interesting. Kip and I had to do a project where we went into town and asked people questions about their worldviews so we packed up and headed to Meijer. E, Kyle, and Jake came with us so that they could go like grocery shopping, and then afterward everyone but Kip went to Coldstone/Tim Hortons to use the wifi and get ice cream. (Obviously, the power outage meant the server was down so we had no internet, and homework was hard to do without blackboard.)Jake put my license plate on. :) Finally official!!
Thursday marks the beginning of choir tour. I'm hoping to have all my homework done for classes up until next Wednesday by Wednesday of this week. It is probably going to be a big cruch, but if I focus, I know I can accomplish it.
Anyways, I'm going to hit it....Have a good night y'all!

Random thought of the day

2010-03-22T11:17:00.001-07:00

I know that much of today hasn't happened yet, but while I was at work, I managed to give myself two paper cuts on the same finger. Fail.

To the future.

2010-03-21T22:45:00.000-07:00

Well...long day for sure. Some bad parts. Some good parts. Ending on a good note, though. A tired-you'vebeenupwaytoolong-youhaveclassinthemorning good note.
I really don't know what to expect for the next month. Hopefully a drawing close to God and feeling His touch in a very powerful way in my life and relationships.
Does God still speak? You better believe it.
I'm just praying that I will really see His will for my life and for my heart.

Stein auf, Demon Hunter, stein auf

2010-03-21T10:24:00.000-07:00

Props to the new Demon Hunter album. I'm impressed. Here's a sampling:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aplN05xTkw0
(You might have to copy that to your browser. Blogger has been weird for me for the past few days.)
Anyways, this is called Driving Nails. And I'm really a fan. I'm not sure I really know what it means, but it makes me think...
I was the light
I was the quiet heart
I was the place we used to dwell.
And when the cold would tear your life apart,
I was the warmth that you had felt

What have I become?
Thoughts like shadows swelling through my mind.
What have I become?
Something else inside...

Is driving nails into my soul
Angels from my door.
Driving nails into my soul
Something inside....

I was the blood inside your broken heart
I was the stone that you had held

I close my eyes
Search for you
Retracing every step

Fail

2010-03-20T23:20:00.000-07:00

Well....today. How do I describe today? It was good. Really good. And bad. Really bad. I just guess I expected some things to be harder, and others to be easier. That doesn't really make any sense, but in my head it does. Sigh. In the end, I failed. I wasn't a really good friend to Jaron today. And I feel bad about it, but I'm not really sure what to do or how to act. I kind of got mad...it was only at the end of the night, but I'm not sure why I was so upset or even who my anger was directed at. Probably myself. I always expect the wrong things. Gah. I hope tomorrow is better. I don't want to feel like an intruder with my own friends.

Some good ole fashioned Cartel

2010-03-19T20:37:00.001-07:00

Well, today was my last day home. I leave tomorrow morning, downstate bound. It was a good break here at home. Mom and I kind of laughed because every time I come home there seems to be some sort of crisis or I am sick. I fail. Haha. I don't TRY to have bad things happen to me! They just sort of do. (Fail..I just accidentally closed this page and had to find and restore it. haha)
Anyway, I'm going back downstate. I'm hoping that it will feel really normal. I'm not sure it will, but that's still what I'm going for. I'm picking up Jake on my way down and taking him to Jaron's. We're all supposed to go bowling and watch a movie. So hopefully that will be fun. I kind of feel like I'm intruding on everyone. Especially Jaron. And I really want to give him space. Sigh. I'm terrible at that. I just want things to feel okay...I know I just have to wait. God will take care of all this without me meddling in it. But I'm just terrible at being patient sometimes. Oh dear.
On the bright side of things, for the first time in like a week, I actually cared about what I looked like. So I actually did my hair. And makeup. And nails. And eyebrows. And felt beautiful for the first time in a long time. I can't believe that God looks on me all the time and sees beauty. I mean...I look on me and see fat and gross. But He looks at me and sees me sinless and beautiful. How encouraging is that?
So...tomorrow will definitely be an interesting day. Should be really fun. I love life. I love my friends. Dearly. And I WILL have a great time with them!

I will wait expectantly

2010-03-18T17:49:00.000-07:00

I wish I had something to actually say. I don't. I mean...of course, I do, but I don't really want to say much. This has been a long week. I can't say I want to go back to school really, or that I am physically prepared to, but soon I will head the downstate way. Next week brings a very large project being turned in as well as choir tour. I am looking forward to choir tour. Not a super lot, but I enjoyed it last year. It was a highlight of the choral experience.
Mom and I are watching Tristan & Isolde. A movie we can both agree on. :)Ah James Franco. Ha. I like these nights home with my family. They're warm and comforting and familiar. I just need that right now. There is a lot rolling around in my head. It's hard to think straight. And I constantly have to be measuring what I'm doing, thinking, and saying.
Right now I've also started a book called A Soldier's Devotion. Should be interesting. One of those Christian romance books that boldly proclaims on its cover "Heartwarming Inspirational Romance." Inspirational....right.
But anyways, now I'm waiting on the Lord. Which is probably all anyone can do.

The more fun to come :)

2010-03-17T20:40:00.000-07:00

PSA: The Water Rant

2010-03-16T21:48:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate it when your shower refuses to spit out hot water? I sure do. Right now, I'm hating the fact that my shower barely put out tepid water, much less actually warm water. I know, I know. People in other countries don't have the luxury of running water: cold or hot. I really feel like still complaining about my lukewarm shower...but I just can't. God is good. He provides for my every need...and I don't really need a super hot shower.

So fetch!

2010-03-16T17:44:00.000-07:00

I feel like I did nothing today. And everything I think.

I went into school and observed, but the student I was specifically observing was gone, so I didn't stay too long. After that I came home and played hymns with Grandma. Then we watched a movie while I waited for Dad. Eventually Dad and I went out lunch and picked up my car from the garage. I came home, cut my hair, picked up my sister from school, made her hair scene, then took sweet pictures. Here's a taste:

Courtney's like the perfect person to be scene. So jealous.

After that we ate supper and went to Honk practice. That was pretty fun. And it was cool to see my sister in the same dress that I wore for Cinderella. More fun to come tomorrow... :)

My Approach to Being Britany

2010-03-15T14:57:00.001-07:00

So...yesterday I feel asleep super quickly, and Mom put me to bed without blogging or anything. I really have nothing to say. Like...my mind is definitely not quiet, but I just know that I can't say anything actually out loud because it just won't make sense to anyone else. Maybe it would, I just can't imagine anyone actually wanting to hear. Say what you will, if you talk to me for lengths of time about what's going on right now, you'll hear the same things, and eventually you will totally not want to hear it. So anyways...this is my approach to my life for the next little while at least: People. I want to get into other people's lives and just love on them. I have a lot of love to give. And I want to share God's love. I feel like the only way for me to heal is to give away the love inside me. Not in a weird way or anything and definitely not romantically. I need to learn to be Christ's hands, feet, and heart to the people around me. Sigh. Selflessness is SO not easy.

The story of yesterday

2010-03-13T09:25:00.001-08:00

Life is just so unexpected. I don't want to explain the entire story. If you want to know, I'm now okay with you asking. Don't be shy. I'm not upset anymore. For now, though, we'll just jump into the story at the point where it was 5 yesterday, and Dad and I had just gotten me a car and started driving home. I was going before him so he could watch me and make sure I didn't fall asleep because I hadn't slept much the night before. Just after we started out, we got into really really heavy traffic. The worst traffic jam we've ever been in. Dad stayed right behind me, and it wasn't hard because we didn't go anywhere for practically forever. (I should also mention, Dad had all my stuff. The only thing in my car was my credit card, drivers license, coat, and my cell which was completely dead.) Anyway, we were routed off the freeway and toward this little intersection. Somehow Dad got a few cars behind me, though, and when we went through the intersection, I went straight with the idea in mind to find somewhere we could pull over and plan, and Dad went to the left for whatever reason. When he didn't pass me soon, I turned around, went back to the intersection and waited at the gas station. I figured he'd come back to where he lost me...No such luck. God and I determined I'd wait there 6 minutes, and if he wasn't there, I'd go down the road that God seemed to be directing me toward and made sense: it was parallel to the freeway so I figured maybe Dad went that way to find another on ramp.

6 minutes came and went. I drove down that road. Still in awful traffic. God gave me a clear mind and kept me awake. I noticed land marks and kept myself parallel to the freeway. Eventually, I found a place to get on. From there, I knew I had to call my Dad. I would have stopped before but I saw no pay phones and all there was was shifty gas stations and really large estate type houses. I was about 15 minutes from the Bradley's so I went there. Jaron let me use his phone to call Dad and find a place for him to meet me. He also insisted on me taking a GPS which he programmed with my address and the address of the McDonalds I was finding Dad at. I was thankful and just so grateful to talk to Dad. Eventually, at maybe 9 Dad and I started a still 3 1/2 hour drive home. Thanks to the people who I talked to on the phone to keep me awake. We got home safe and sound at 12:30ish. What a day...

Home again!

2010-03-12T22:35:00.000-08:00

Wow. Soooo long of a day. I am so tired, I'll have to explain later for sure. I'm just going to sleep as long as I can tomorrow. (which is totally Mom-approved) For now, I'm so glad to be home.

Tonight was not a good night.

2010-03-11T23:20:00.001-08:00

Tonight was fail.

No, I don't want to talk about it. Please don't ask me...I'll tell you when I'm ready.

Tonight's gonna be a good night

2010-03-11T19:04:00.000-08:00

Ah Thursday.

As you probably all know, Thursdays are the worst day of the week for me. I have school pretty much straight from 12:30-8:30. It's the worst. (Well, maybe not THE worst. It could be even more jam packed or I could work...) Anyway, today was much like every other Thursday, except Krista is already gone on Spring Break, so she wasn't in either of my education classes to help me get through the day with humor. Fortunately, 3 of my classes got out early today! One was out 30 mins early, the next 45 mins, and my night class 15 mins. It wasn't very much, but it was enough to have a break before rushing off to do the next thing.

I forgot to post yesterday about this little old lady with blue hair who came into the Bookstore. She got what she needed, and I rang it up. After she tucked her bag on her arm she drew out an issue of the Pulse (school newspaper type thing) and pointed to the cover. "Could you tell me what this means?" I looked down and saw she was asking me what in the world a "lip sync" was. I tried to explain to her that people would play a song, mouth the words, and dance, but she just didn't seem to understand why anyone would want to do that. She stated, "They don't sing?" about as befuddled as a person could be. It was the most entertaining part of my work.

Something very exciting that happened today is that Bri got the job as RA of Delta 2!! So excited for her!!!! Bri and Kelsey and Emily are the best. :)

I love my friends here. Kyle and I just had a great little session in the practice rooms. He's wonderful to just goof around with. I love too that things just aren't awkward with him. Like...they'd be awkward anywhere else, but with Kyle everything is just fun.

Marc left for Las Vegas today. His missions team (amongst other things) is ministering to Ugandan refugees and helping pray for interventions with prostitutes on the strip. Definitely pray for him while he's gone. :) Bethany, too, is headed off on a missions trip. They leave tomorrow for New Orleans. I'm so excited to hear her stories!! So, yeah, please be praying for all the people who are on Spring Break missions trips.

One more test, and I'm out of here. Home will be wonderful. I can tell already. :)

Why can't I just fix it?

2010-03-10T21:14:00.000-08:00

I am pulling my hair out trying to fix things. I love my friends. I just want them all to stop hurting. Enough on that subject...

Also, I LOVE my roommates!!!! They are such fantastic people. I enjoy getting to know them better, and I love spending time with all of them at once. Our schedules don't allow for that very much, but sometimes. :)

I'm writing a letter to Koz right now. I had one mostly written, but somehow I misplaced it. :( So now I'm making my second draft. I don't know what to write. I thought I would be good at writing, but I'm just stumped. I can't remember what I wrote last time, so I'm having to make this up again... I suck. Haha. There's so much I want to say, but I don't know what is appropriate. I guess I'll just give the best offering I can and hope he appreciates it.

Time goes by too quickly

2010-03-09T12:06:00.000-08:00

I realized today, I haven't really gotten anything done in like 4 days. It's awful. I have a get-nothing-done-syndrome or something.

I mean, tonight I'm getting stuff done. There's a lot on my plate and I'm not sure I can totally manage, but I'm definitely doing the best I can.

So..the fun of last night was that Marc and I took E out to Dennys for her birthday. I love spending time with those two.

I really really really, though, just want to be with Jaron. I feel bad right now, and he's just the best to be around when I feel bad.

Anyways....yes. Time to think of other things and wish there was more time in the day...

We shall walk where the road meets the sun

2010-03-08T17:38:00.001-08:00

Today was another beautiful 45 degree day!

Nothing really remarkable has happened yet today, which is regrettable, but unfortunately altogether too commonplace for me. There will definitely be exciting things happening soon, though. I can't talk about them yet, but tomorrow I'm sure I'll have something to say about tonight's happenings.

The internet here is being especially slow today. Fail.

I hope that I'll be able to get to writing more of my story via other blog...I need some creative outlet or I'm going to go crazy I think. Haha.

Anyway, I can tell that it is time for Spring Break. I don't want to move.

Accomplishment of the day: I fit in some shorts I haven't fit into for awhile. :) So. Happy.

That's about all I have for you today. Merry Monday!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY E!

2010-03-07T22:11:00.000-08:00

I realized I completely forgot to blog today. I was hoping to get to bed early tonight, but that did not happen. I'm still on the couch because for whatever reason my coughing is getting much worse again. I feel guilty when I sleep in the bedroom because I just know that I'm waking Jennifer with my retched spurts of coughing.

I don't have the energy to sum up the weekend any more than...

Yesterday was good and bad.

Today was mostly good.

It's E's birthday!!

I saw Ryan in the DC randomly. Weird to see Jaron's friends without him...

That's about it. I love Jake. He is an incredible man.

SUN!

2010-03-06T19:30:00.001-08:00

We're (When I say "we" I mean Jake, Scottie, Jaron, Katie & me) are going to BDubs soon so I can't imagine I will really want to blog when I get back. Today was a really good day. Emily came to Jaron's in the afternoon and after going out for Mike's, Scottie, Jake, Em and I went on a roadtrip to school and then to the mall. A good day of good friends. Em and I had fun shopping and the boys were fun to jam with in the car. I'm glad my friends have good senses of humor (for the most part, haha).

When we got back here, we borrowed Koz's snowboard which we shall use for outside pictures once Em's back from Florida and I find my camera charger cords. That's the plan anyway. Once we made it back to Jaron's, we diddled around for awhile then watched Star Trek. Em had to leave part of the way through, but we finished and then Scottie and Jake and I played Worms. I won. :) I'm not really sure that was because I'm good at the game, though. Might just be luck. Ha.

So I guess we're about ready to go. I'll have to upload my picture of the day later...We had some good ones today. :)

Walking with the Spirit

2010-03-05T23:44:00.001-08:00

Well, Friday did not turn out exactly as anticipated.

The afternoon was spent with Emily, and we definitely did not have enough time for everything we wanted to do. At 8 we went with Jake to see the sequel to Finger of God (Furious Love). There were a lot of problems with the DVD part of the way through, but eventually Brewer was able to show the rest of the film via Bethany's laptop and Jake's Mac adapter. Yet again, Mac saves the day. =]

Again, it was a hard movie to watch and think about just like Finger of God. I want to be discerning as I seek to live a Spirit-filled life, so I don't want to go into watching a movie like that with my eyes and heart wide open. I want to know God, but I feel like He is calling me to be cautious in discernment while running devotedly after His love.

The movie WAS good. And it had great points. Why aren't Christians known for their extreme love?? It was right...we should be. Love should be what sets us apart. Love is our gospel, and Truth is our King.

I want to know more about this revival that seems to be so present in countries other than my own. Today I got a book called Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire that's about Brooklyn Tabernacle. I'm hoping that I can figure out a little more about the revolution going on even in the US.

Anyways, Furious Love comes out in June I think and I would recommend it for sure. I don't think it's a film for people who are not sure of their faith, though. And I would definitely watch it with a discerning heart of prayer. Feel free to discuss things with me, too! I love to talk about it and try to discern together.

Thursday comes but once a week

2010-03-04T18:00:00.000-08:00

Oh today....so long.

I'm skyping with the family right now which is awesome. E went swimming and is cleansing herself now, so hopefully she'll be done soon so we can chat about some stuff that is weighing on our hearts.

Courtney is getting the piano book for Next to Normal. Exciting!!!

She's also singing to me over the webcam. Fantastic!!

I love her.

Tonight Jaron is coming out and we're getting floats with Jake and E. Should be a good evening. Then I get to write a paper proving the existence of the God of the Bible. Perfect.

Anyways, I'm glad that it's almost the weekend, though the more I think about it, the more stressed I get about the weekend. Which should totally not happen!! I just keep thinking I'm not going to like it....gah.

Big sigh. And continue with the hectic day!

Keep your eggs sunny side up!

2010-03-03T11:46:00.001-08:00

I doubt I will have time to post later, so I figure I should do it now.

This week is half over already which is crazy!! But it also means tomorrow is Thursday, which I hate. haha Thursdays are tortuously long! That's okay, though, because after Thursday comes Friday, and on Friday Jake and I (and maybe E, I can't remember) are going to Awaken 24 and seeing Furious Love which is the sequel to Finger of God that you may remember me watching last semester. Then later I think, Jake and I are going to spend the weekend at Jaron's. I think that is the tentative plan anyways. And hopefully we'll actually get to go bowling this weekend.

I just have to keep motivated before I get there.

Oooh. I pick up my penpal book soon. Then I'll see what my third grader thought of me, her new penpal. I'm kind of nervous about that...

So anyways, have a wonderful day, everyone!